Passion Delayed

Something’s got to give. Or at least, I think I ought to give in on something.

I was just at the library. I have been going there after classes in the evening in order to get some studying done before taking a late train home. The cruel academic librarians force you to walk by the myriad of new releases and classic literature that they feature on the shelves that face the entryway. They tease me each time I enter. Just begging to be read, they sit there with their flashy covers and intriguing back pages.

But I inevitably put the books back down and sigh when I remember that I don’t have time for such things. Full time work and full time class leaves little time for pleasure reading. I have barely found the time to update my posts, never mind finish a novel on top of all the already-assigned readings I have to do.

With the prospects of grad school looming next fall, I can’t help but to feel a bit melancholy over how long it will be before I can enter the library and actually check out one of those books for a weekend of pleasure reading on a whim on something that just happened to catch my interest during that particular visit. Then there’s the dozens of other wonderful things I could be doing with that time as well. Particularly, I have been feeling the itch lately to record some more music. I have wanted for some time to have a reasonably-equipped home recording studio. The whole setup would only cost me about $1,000 and maybe about 10-15 hours of work to setup along with sound-proofing. Or grander ideas like developing software again and being entrepreneurial. There’s just no time and won’t be for a while.

But then, I must be realistic. If I weren’t in school would I really be embracing all these hobbies or would I just be sleeping every afternoon and playing video games all night? The very structure of school that makes me feel ambitious about taking on projects also robs me of the time required to work on such projects. Yet, when I’m free from school, the lack of structure leads to a seeping in of sloth-like habits and underachievement.

Perhaps a little recording studio that would allow me to capture those moments of inspiration, late at night, when I can’t sleep, would be just the outlet my creative mind needs in order to feel a bit more fulfilled during this long, academic haul. I will have to dwell on it a bit more.

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